For the first time in my 14 years of work life, I thought I would
be fired. If you have read my earlier blog on
how it feels to quit a company, you would know that Iam not the kind who would
hop jobs frequently. I stayed with my 1st employer for a decade, and
the 2nd one for nearly half of that.
Here
is my story:
I
have always felt very blessed, having a strong foundation—convent educated.
Growing up, I excelled in school, mostly in extracurriculars, if not
academically. I was terrible at sports. Honestly terrible, but I still tried. (even
now I lose a game against my 5 year old!). I attribute this to always having a
good work ethic. It was how I was raised and though to be hard working and loyal.
I was convinced that I could achieve anything if I put in the right amount of work.
When I graduated, I quit a dozen of jobs before even waiting to take the first
paycheck, until I settled for one that I believe best suited me. I had always
been independent in decisions. I never let somebody tell me I couldn't do
something. If someone told me no, I always saw to that I disprove them.
Flash
forward to present day:
I had
been in project management for 10 years and been very successful. I had a manager
push me for a similar role with slightly different responsibility. I had never
done solely sales and I enjoy a challenge. So I thought, "why not?" It
was exciting to be head hunted, it was exciting to be wanted, and it was
exciting to try something new.
After
a year of working, I felt like it was not the right choice that I accepted the
offer. For the first time in my life, I felt completely out of place. From day
1, something was off. It was clear right away that the person they moved was
not meant for the role they assigned. I thought I would be going into a 6 month
training period and then the number game begins. When I got there I was handed
a target list and told to go sell. I was very forthright about my lack of sales
training and I'm not sure how wires were crossed. But I gave it my all. I
worked as hard as I could every single day. I came to work with a smile on my
face, ready to conquer the world. My activities were high. I was 100% committed
to the new role. But what I was doing was not of any great value either to me or
the company.
For the first time in my professional career, I failed. I failed
miserably. I had been really unhappy the past few months. I felt like an
outsider and like that I didn't belong to that team. It was clearly not the
right fit for me and I realize that soon. I was fighting so hard for something
that didn't make sense. Although I was given an option to get back to the
previous position, I had such a fear of failing that giving up wasn't an
option. And getting back means that I have fail in the current position. I did
not want to take the label ‘failed’
I learnt that a nice salary was less attractive than job
satisfaction. I learnt that being at a place where you don't belong is suicidal. And I also
realized that there are jobs that are not meant for me. What I was doing and what
I should be doing were two different things.
I also learnt that a supportive boss is
very important to our own success. One fine day, I called my boss and told it was
not working fine with me and I decided to move on. It stung. It hurt. He wasn’t
shocked. It was embarrassing. I told him that I had been feeling something was
off for a while. I truly felt like I was given up on. He agreed to that it was
not that I was performing below standards, but I did not get the satisfaction of
working there.
I was
not expecting to start a new position too soon. It could also be a sign that
this was meant to be. Being employed for 15 years, I could not rest at home taking
the tag of ‘Home Maker’, either. But I was lucky to rebound quickly. I know it
was the result of continuous efforts. I am thankful. And I am humbled by the
whole experience. At late 30s, I do not want to go out and conquer the whole
world now. But if it is not the right place, with the right supervisors, it is
simply not worth it. And that's okay. I am not perfect. I have flaws—I know
that. But I always want to improve and better myself.
I
hate being told that I'm not good enough or do not have what it takes to be
successful.
May be that is the reason that I decided before anyone else call
on me. No one wants to be fired. I have
no regrets. I take responsibility for my wrong decisions. I know this may not
be the last time! (still wish it is). The fear of failure is the worst part,
and that fear kept pushing me. I believe in myself and put the effort forth to
do so. It's a very unique experience that is hard to describe. But ultimately,
it's for the self-betterment. So I moved on…
Iam excited to write about my wonderful experience at my new
position in my next post.
Pen you soon!!
